When in Rome, as they say. (For some reason.) (Even when they’re not in Rome.)
But, I digress.
With the convenience, wonder and confusion of online grocery shopping a weekly challenge, I have discovered that:
- Everything you order is much smaller than you think it will be. Teeny tiny, in fact. We went through a jar of mustard in 3 weeks, somehow.
- When you think you ordered something, you probably ordered something else. Like, you wanted pickles to go with your sandwich and you ended up with that dreaded “sandwich pickle”.* And/or
- It just doesn’t look/smell/taste right. Like yellow mustard. Even though it’s a familiar brand (Heinz), instead of being a bright…well, mustard yellow, it’s a pastel, and therefore suspect. And Quaker Instant Oatmeal: it’s different. Different flavours, different texture, but you get past it, because meh, it’s oatmeal.
- You will forget at least 3 critical items, but can’t just order them separately because there is a £40 minimum. So you have to wait until next week, or find £40 more worth of stuff to buy. (However, as you can order wine, beer, and liquor in the same order, it’s doable.)
- There are some things that you just can’t get here. Like chili powder. No, I don’t want “powdered chillis”, nor will I spell chilli with two Ls, dammit. Or seasoned salt, the “spice” we sprinkle on our macaroni and cheese. Or, for that matter, decent macaroni and cheese, which is PC White Cheddar Deluxe Macaroni and Cheese, although there are several (unspeakable) varieties of canned mac and cheese available… I shudder.
SO, if you’re looking for an appropriate housewarming present or care package, maybe it should include any or all of the following:
Everybody but me, it seems. Humph. The important thing was that I liked it, and it’s good I did, because that’s going to be my lunch for the next four days.
Hey, where did everyone go?
** in our house, if you say a naughty word (from “stupid” and “butt” on up), you have to do one pushup for every year of your age. So, if Tamsin calls Ailsa stupid, she does 4 (excellent) pushups. If Vaughn, for example says, “Daddy said f&%$!” then he has to do 8 pushups! And Fis has to do 44. We are very fit.
**** The kids and Chris still hate it. More for me!
***** Update: except for the chives. They didn’t make it. I repeat, the chives are dead.